The Arrival of a Notable person: YOU!

The 25 day Advent Calendar is used to pass the time until some people's favorite day - Christmas! However, there are so many cultures and religions and celebrations, we must re-brand the Holiday season as something more universal. And what's more universal than spreading good cheer by doing some good for the people and community around us? 

Pick 25 of the below suggestions (or 2 a week, whatever you honestly can muster) and write them on scraps of paper and put them in a jar/ bow/ empty something and reach in a grab one each day - an act of service that will most-definitely lift yours and others' spirits during a sometimes challenging time of year. 

Being happily and usefully whole is the strongest gift, and is the true source of the joy people seek.

I'm grateful for the moments we can communally share in that, religious title or not. 

All the love. x/Amy

1. DELIVER TREATS

   1. to neighbors, to a police or fire station, to those less fortunate, etc.

   2. Bring hot drinks to someone who’s been outside in the cold all day

2. DONATIONS

   1. Used clothing

   2. Used books to library

   3. Home Items and Toys

   4. Give blankets to the homeless/ make Homeless Care Packages (don’t forget feminine hygeine products!) and keep them in your car or in your purse.

   5. To a local religious, philanthropic, or community institution

   6. Choose non-perishable food items to donate to a local food bank // find or help create a food bank.

   7. Together choose an unused toy to donate to a charity, such as Toys for Tots

   8. Gather games to donate to children at a children’s hospital

   9. Donate food to an animal shelter – it’s a good idea to call ahead to see what type of food is needed or if there are special needs

   10. Donate new pajamas to a local youth shelter

3. GENEROSITY

   1. Pay for a stranger’s coffee.

   2. Or library fines

   3. Over-tip your waitress

   4. Bring a DIY cooking or craft treat to someone who lives alone.

   5. Adopt and partner with a low-income family via The Giving Tree – a Giving Tree pairs families with families in your area who can’t afford gifts for their children.

   6. Leave a bag of quarters – with a note – on a washer at a laundromat or on a parking meter

   7. Make a card and deliver it with flowers to an elderly neighbor

   8. Deliver cases of bottled water to a local shelter or the Red Cross – you could also call ahead and ask if there are other emergency supplies that would be helpful to donate

4. GRATITUDE

   1. Write gratitudes on strips of construction or metallic paper to make a paper chain or decorative flowers for easy, thoughtful holiday decorations.

   2. Write lists or what you’re thankful for, alone or in groups.

   3. Make a “grateful jar” for each family member and whenever you think of something you’re grateful for about that family member, write it down and place it in their jar

5. THANK YOU LETTERS

   1. Mail deliverers

   2. Garbage collectors

   3. Create a Thank You basket (and see if you can empty it by Christmas!) – fill a basket with small gifts and  supplies to write thank you notes and every time you have opportunity – the mail deliverer, the garbage collectors, the recycling truck driver, etc – grab a little gift or write them a thank you note to honor their service and tell you how much you appreciate them

   4. Teachers or Supervisors

6. PRAY, formally, or in your own unique way - write “Let So-and-So be happy” once a day for the 25 days; Say, “Please,” in the morning and, “Thank You,” at night.

   1. For all the people in our lives

   2. To be happily and usefully whole

7. WRITE handwritten letters.

   1. Mail a card to a relative that you have not seen in awhile

   2. Send a birthday card or Christmas card to a missionary or to a member of their family

8. LET SOMEONE ahead of you in line.

9. HOLD THE DOOR open for someone.

10. VISIT nursing home.

11. Deposit coins in some parking meters downtown.

12. Serve at local soup kitchen.

13. HOST friends for dinner.

14. Take meal to a family.

15. Give your siblings a gift.

16. Record an audiobook for Librivox

17. With your child, fund a $25 micro-loan via Kiva.org and help them track how the loan is paid back. This is a FANTASTIC way to interface lessons about generosity, financial stewardship, and economics.

18. Pack a Christmas shoebox for Operation Shoebox

19. Draw a cheery picture for someone who’s ill or grieving.

20. Eat at least one meal a week as a family. If appropriate, volunteer ahead of time to help make or serve meals as well.

21. Read at a local nursing home

22. Sing Carols

23. Deliver or donate blankets to those who sleep in the cold – If you feel unsafe or uncomfortable delivering blankets yourself, take the blankets in person to a shelter.

24. Create a card to send to a hospitalized child

25. Sweep the walkway, shovel the sidewalk, or rake the yard for a neighbor or someone in need

26. Offer to carry someone’s groceries at the grocery store

27. Clean up trash in a park or playground

28. Help neighbors bring in their trash cans on trash day

29. Make a meal for someone

30. Participate in or organize a work bee at church, at the local community center, or in your neighborhood

RESOURCES

• http://www.popsugar.com/home/Acts-Kindness-Advent-Calendar-39192095

• http://nourishingjoy.com/service-projects-for-kids-advent-calendar/ (Printable option)

• http://www.coffeecupsandcrayons.com/random-acts-of-christmas-kindness-advent-calendar/ (Printable option)

5 Elements of a Healthy Relationship

This post is inspired by Bree Ryback's 5-year wedding anniversary, written about on her lovely site Capitol Romance. For as hyped as DC is about weddings, I assume you've heard of it. Bree's reflecting this week spurred a quick Twitter exchange sharing our desire for more people to talk about (write, actually) their successful, loving relationships. 

There are TOO MANY articles on, "how to win the guy", "when to lose the guy", "how to gay-flirt in a straight culture", "how to know when a relationship is toxic", and not enough expounding on what a good, healthy, long-term relationship looks and feels like. 

I don't claim to know. 

I'm here to acknowledge the void and need for such material (to be present on more mainstream media outlets, I'm sure it's somewhere, but no one's digging for it). I am 9 months into a healthy, intimate, strongly committed relationship and I'm basically in the dark here. How do I gauge if we're "doing it right"? What did 9 months in look like for couples who are together 9 years? 29 years? My co-worker, Janna, is celebrating her 10 year anniversary this winter and I try to ask her about it regularly. 

What I do know:

1. Attraction isn't a question. I dated a 'good guy' for a long time not knowing if I was actually attracted to him. Now, this isn't to say looks are everything - they are not and they fade. But there is something I see when I look in my partner's eyes that makes me want to connect with him, physically, and emotionally. 
2. We want to do the work. A lot of people acknowledge that relationships take work but I would love to see some anecdotes on what this has looked like for long-term couples. Alex and I talk openly and honestly, however, we also seek support outside our partnership to sort of balance our emotional level before returning to any specific discussion. Also, having a tradition of 'surprise dates' helps reintroduce fun and play if we're too steeped in stress.
3. My partner can handle my weaknesses. This falls in the "makes me want to be a better person" category. I struggle with food. My partner's obsessed with green smoothies. He struggles with tidiness. I find organizing really enhancing. Super nerdy, but there are also deeper emotional examples. To be able to hold each others vulnerabilities, I've heard, is what enables a pair to last. 
4. Dan Savage has taught me well. I didn't grow up with an extensive or helpful sexual education and it hindered me. If you don't know something and you want to know more, learn about it, don't just hope the problem corrects itself. In my 5-year span between serious relationships Dan Savage started a podcast, and I'm grateful for it. It has really served me to learn about being Good, Giving, and Game, rounding up to "the 1", and how to not let the past determine the future (also what 'sounding' is but those early episodes were wild). 
5. We value the same things. Nature. Quality time. Trying new things. Music. Travel. Spirituality. I worry sometimes that our sense of humor isn't the same or we don't hit certain socially-determined dating expectations. However, we have fun. Moreover, we have fun doing things we both value deeply. I grew up swimming in the ocean by my father's house but hadn't in well over 5 years, when I got out from under those waves this past August, Alex could see I was lit up in a way I hadn't been in too long. When I accompanied Alex to his childhood home and watched his daughter play along the lake as he did as a child I watched him overcome with emotion and how glorious life and love can be. He takes me out of my Washington, DC social media hyperdrive and we exist together in real life, in pure enjoyment. From the terrifying pitch-black darkness of Violet Locke at midnight to the most rambunctious Foo Fighters 4th of July, it's been incredible fun, in a slowed-down, be in the moment sort of way. For that, I am grateful.

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I have no idea if these 5 things mean it will last. The Buddhist philosophy Alex has opened me to emphasizes impermanence. However, I'd like to think we're meant to last. Regardless, we do our best to stay in the now and focus on everything in front of us today. To see how that's worked for couples like Bree and Andy or Janna and Yao is encouraging and I'd love to read more. 

All the love. x/Amy